How to Prep for a Photo Shoot

Mar 08, 2014 | 12:31 PM

I have a photo shoot coming up next week for my album cover. Some of you might not know what goes into preparation for such an affair, so I thought I’d share my process with you.

 

Step 1:  Panic

 

Step 2:  WEIGH IN

Take off all your clothes (they add 2 lbs.) and face reality.

oh-my-god-scale

 

Step 3: CRASH DIET

Research quick weight-loss/detox options.

 

what-is-the-perfect-cleanse

 

Step 4: CLEAN HOUSE

Force all your carbs, sugar, gluten, dairy and alcohol into a small section of your cupboard and make them wear yellow arm bands identifying themselves as DEGENERATE FOODS. Let them know that the Diet Gestapo is watching their (and Your) every move. Keep an eye on them; they’re crafty!!

 

diet-gestapo

 

Step 5: TAKE ACTION

Decide on Miracle Juice Diet and add in Bentonite Clay for its natural detoxifying benefits.

 

Miracle-Juice-Cleanse

 

 Step 6:  WORK OUT

Research exercise plans and work out your abs by laughing at them all!

 

Crazy-workout-videos

 

Step 7: INCREASE WATER INTAKE

Drink at least 8 glasses of water a day. Prepare to either be near a bathroom or to wear an Adult Diaper.

 

hazards-of-overdrinking-h2o

 

Step 5: Give up on Miracle Juice and Bentonite Clay mixture

After lying on the floor in agony with a belly ache for 5 hours, realize you drank dirt with a fancy name and chalk it up to temporary insanity due to panic attack over photo shoot. Realize you’re losing perspective and move on to more important things.

 stomachache

Step 6:  Research style options

Your photographer, stylist and glamour crew will want you to show them actual photos of how you want to look. Do leg lifts while looking through photos at the library at FIT. Drink water. Run to the bathroom that is located on a different floor from the research area. Figure you’re losing weight by running to the bathroom so much.

 

 

Step 7: FIX THINGS THAT CAN BE FIXED

Book hair cut, hair color, deep conditioning, mani, pedi, lash tint, eyebrow/lip/chin wax and anything else you can think of that will make you feel a little more glamorous.

 

vintage-mani-pedi

 

Step 8: HAVE DEEP REALIZATION WHILE FLIPPING THROUGH BEAUTY MAG AT BEAUTY PARLOR

Everything can be fixed in Photoshop, so take a yoga class and let all that worry go!

 crazy-yoga-poses-isabelRose

 

4 thoughts on “How to Prep for a Photo Shoot”

  1. Susan     Reply

    Hilarious!!!!!!

  2. Bob Barr     Reply

    This is brilliant! You have so many talents. My diet tip is to never have more than two shots of whiskey poured (one for each hand) and to always listen to “Swinging From the Hip.”

  3. Margo Bjornsson     Reply

    Wonderful! This just brightened my day and now I have a new perspective on everything!

  4. Rogue Panda     Reply

    So imaginative and funny.

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